For the friend I have loved and lost
It’s tragic how one moment you’re making plans for the future and in one paralyzing second it’s all ripped away from you.
"He is gone and he will never come back"
The more I repeat it to myself the less it makes sense. He is gone?
Never again will I see the cheeky smile on your face when we’re both thinking of the same joke but can’t say it out loud.
Never again will we laugh in the most serious of situations and say how we’re both going to hell. I loved how we can both find the lighter side of things. I can’t laugh. This situation is soo dark I can’t find the light.
Never again will we listen to each other’s music and fight about who’s one is better.
Never again will we discuss the game of thrones ending and fight because I spoiled half of it for you. Never again will I force you to read another page and deliver my game of thrones books.
Never again will we joke about our vanity and then break down and cry about our insecurities. And then laugh at the escalation of the events.
Never again will we play wingman for each other make sure she or he is an 8 and a half because a 10 will know she’s a 10 and our feels can’t handle a 10. Like that time you tried to wingman me and the guy turned around and started hitting on you. Haha. You were absolutely speechless. You were a 10.
Never again will we discuss matters of the heart and say were too good for that person and slowly crumble back to being hopelessly in love with the same person we said we were too good for.
I need to thank you for the time you let me get to know you. For the time it was just you, real and genuine. No talk of the past or people in our lives, just you. Thankyou for all your effort. Thankyou for all your time. Thankyou for calling after a long day of work and just talking about everything else other than work.
Thankyou for understanding. Thankyou for sharing with me your charm, the one that everyone fell in love with and longed to be in the company of. Thankyou for always trying to be there just because you can. Thankyou for the friendship. Thankyou for waiting in line with me for the game of thrones exhibition even though we didn’t get to go inside. 6 hours of waiting haha. Thankyou for the sandwhiches. Thankyou for the blanket. Thankyou for all the memories. I remember when we use to talk on myspace hahaha I was working at nuts galore and you were working at red lea hahahahahaha. Look how far we’ve come since then.
It hurts soo much knowing that after all we’ve been through. I never got to know Half of the pain that was inside. How you held yourself together and tried to make everyone else around you happy. But there was something more, behind the smiles and laughter. There was a dark pain that none of us could save you from. Or could we?
A month from now we were suppose to be in japan saying fuck the haters! Fuck the world. Toasting to great company and hard work. But it’s all gone now. That dream is gone. You’re gone and my mind is wondering so aimlessly. Where do I go? What’s the point of it all? What is there to look forward to? There’s nothing but an empty space where you use to be. In the maze of my mind when I find memories and thoughts of you I keep running to that space for comfort knowing you’ll still be there. Here. That tomorrow you’ll call and say “hey frenemy, you smell”..
We should’ve stayed in that room and never left. We should’ve stayed like we planned.
I miss you soo much and nothing can describe the pain. I’ll forever be remembering the good times and I’ll stay as your number one cheer leader. You will always be in my heart Mi Amigo! Para Siempre! May your soul rest in peace.